Out Of The Mouths Of Tweens

6/9/14

Cleanliness is near to godliness here at camp Mowgli

Out Of The Mouths Of Tweens

Dear Mom and Dad,

        I am here at camp where you sent me.  The counselors said we had to write to you or else we would have to go back into the hole.  Thank you for the cookies that you sent me.  Mr. Munchick said they were delicious.  I have learned a lot since I have been here at camp where you sent me.  Did you know that mole hide is easier to stitch than cowhide? Skyler K. said he saw Skyler B’s booby.  Ms. Helmooth said we are going on a hike tomorrow and said not to play with the balloons cause that’s what they were for tomorrow on our hike. When I get home can we have a lizard? There is a lizard here and he likes to bite us but when we put him in a jar he stopped biting us and then he went to sleep and Mr. Olemacher said to put holes in the lid. We play a lot of games during smoke breaks. Skyler N. is the best at face ball but doesn’t like it anymore when he gets bleeding. They taught me to swim this year and said because alligators don’t eat good swimmers.  Mr. Gimble said it’s important to keep a good routine and so he gave us a list of chores for each day here at our camp. On Monday me and Skyler S. have to be responsible for humping the bolts up the hill from where Mr. Lefty drops it off and then Mr. Gimble says to hump it up the hill. The rest of the week we play in building C but eat lunch in building C too.  Next week we are going on a nature hike to the hooch cabin. Ms. Benoif says the corn is not for lunch. I like when we got to roast marshmallows but Skyler T. says she is sad because all her clothes were in the cabin when it was set on fire. When we got here to camp they said we could pick which activity that would be good whatever we wanted. I started to do the bow and arrow until I shot the horse. Skyler F. signed up for fencing but stopped because he got splinters. Is my room still there? Next time I’m going to write in my journal but not the part about taking Mr. Stall’s bag of baking soda that I found in the foot locker when Mr. Stall was making me clean his room and then I gave it to the soda machine guy because he said he’d trade me for a soda but then Mr. Stall found out and got mad and sweaty. How is Scraps? Is he still making in mom’s shoes? I think it’s because he doesn’t like the newspaper because it’s a trashy left wing rag my counselor says. I miss my own bed because the bed here is crunchy and sometimes I pee in it and then it gets crunchier. Ms. Larson says to stop drinking milk before bed but she cries when she drinks her drink and I think it’s because she doesn’t have milk and her husband left. When I get home I would like some ice cream but Skiilär H-N says it has to be organic or else the earth will die because whales don’t have enough polar bears to eat so we need to get some organic ice cream and eat it before it melts OK? The doctor said that my arm will probably heal weird but then he gave me a lollipop. Did you know that poison oak is itchy? I tried it and it is. They have a dance again tonight but when I dance with Skyler A. she does it wrong and says that I am a twerk. I get sad sometimes because you aren’t here to give me time outs and my counselor says time outs aren’t as good as paddles but when he says he’ll give me the paddle he just hits me with it. Mr. Richards didn’t get a time out either because Skyler W. says he saw Ms. Kingston giving him the paddle after curfew when he went to the bathroom but it’s OK to go to the bathroom with a buddy after curfew but Mr. Richards didn’t get a time out from Ms. Kingston. Sometimes the other kids here get mauled by bears. Did you know ticks get bigger as they eat just like Uncle Herbert? When I was making my lanyard Mr. Lusk said I was doing it wrong when I was making it but he didn’t know that I was making a noose because that was what Ms. Larson asked me to make. Mr. Pillsbury is really good at frisbee because he can catch the frisbee every time but sometimes he drops it and then he says the words that make dad get in trouble at church. When we go out at night we have to take a flashlight because it is dark at night when we go out and we can’t see without the flashlight and also we smash snakes with them. I like mom’s bologna sandwiches better than the ones here because they aren’t as fuzzy that mom makes. I came in third in the canoe race and some of the other kids paddled at the waterfall and didn’t get a snow cone and aren’t here now. I hope when I get home you will remember me even though my clothes are too big now and Mr. Wurst says tape worms aren’t dangerous. I have to go now because it’s my turn to cut out the swooshes. See you in 3 weeks if we can meet our quota. Tell Tristan not to play with my legos.

Love, Skyler N.